The Employee from Hell How to Deal Effectively With Annoying Co-workers
Posted: Monday, September 25, 2006
by Danny Davids
There's been at least one in every company for which I've worked. It didn't make any difference if I was full-time, part-time, permanent, contract, or consultant. At least one individual in the organization evidently had made it his or her life's goal to make my work life as miserable as possible. In most cases it wasn't intentional; in at least two cases it most definitely was. And I can almost guarantee that I am not in the minority on this one. If you have never had to deal with a co-worker who was difficult, annoying, rude, or downright mean, you haven't been in the work force very long and boy, you're going to have some interesting and exciting experiences ahead of you!
You might have to work with someone who has an annoying habit (or two), or who inadvertently makes comments to others at inappropriate times. Perhaps you have a supervisor who repeatedly ignores you or puts down your suggestions in favor of someone else's. An individual in another work group treats you as if you are his personal assistant and expects you to fulfill his requests even if it means ignoring your boss's instructions. Then there are the situations that can have serious repercussions the co-worker who is taking office supplies from work to supplement his home-run business, the manager who tells you to pad the numbers in your department's budget so he can purchase those "extra" items, the department head who suggests that an after-hours relationship could be beneficial to your career advancement. These are not mere annoyances, but can adversely affect your attitude, your career, and ultimately other aspects of your life.
The gut reaction with people like this is to offer the, uh, "international gesture of goodwill" (ahem) and go on with life. That might work in a fair and perfect world; as we all know, our world is far from being either fair or perfect. As much as we'd like to avoid these types of people, sometimes the work environment requires that we associate with people that we'd rather not. In many instances, refusing to work with certain people (especially supervisors) can be viewed by the company as a valid reason for termination . So what do you do? You do what you need to do to maintain your credibility while getting the job done and it doesn't require sucking up or brown-nosing. Here are some helpful hints to make your situation bearable and protect yourself and your integrity.
Check Your Behavior
It's not easy to admit we're wrong. But sometimes we are responsible for our own bad karma. Sit down and take an honest inventory of yourself. Does the guy in the cubicle next to you harp about your noise levels because he's a jerk or do you really play your radio too loudly in the office? Is your supervisor unreasonable in her demands for documentation on hours worked in the office or do you consistently arrive at work late and leave early, and take longer breaks than necessary? Make sure your behavior isn't the catalyst for the problems you see occurring between your co-workers and you. If you find areas in your work behavior that need to be modified , correct them first. If making appropriate changes doesn't resolve the problem, then you've assured yourself the fault is not with you.
Maintain a Professional Attitude
Sure, it's only natural to want to lash out at the guy who puts all of his personal phone calls on his speaker phone and talks loudly enough for everyone in your building to hear, and then complains how you listen in to his private conversations (don't laugh, it happens). He's the one acting like a brainless goofball, but don't step down to his level just to make a point. You need to maintain an attitude of professionalism if your concerns are to be given any credibility. This is especially true in situations where legal recourse may be necessary to resolve a given situation.
Limit Personal Contact
I'm not saying avoid the individual (if it were that easy, I wouldn't need to write this article, and you wouldn't need to read it!). I AM saying to keep one-on-one contact to a bare minimum. Whenever possible, make sure you meet with this person in group settings, even if it's only by bringing along another co-worker to make a threesome. Those conversations that occur between just the two of you can rapidly deteriorate, and can come back to haunt you if there's ever a he said/she said rehashing of the discussion in front of superiors. Which is why the next suggestion is vitally important to follow
Communicate Only in Writing
"I never said that!" "Oh, yes, you told me that!" Avoid this kind of miscommunication and deal with people exclusively in writing whenever possible. Whether via memo (on official company letterhead) or email (from your work email account), keep a copy of your documentation on file so that if questions ever arise, you have concrete evidence to validate your position. Don't hesitate to forward additional copies to appropriate supervisors or managers (yours); but don't send a copy to everybody all the way up the chain of command. Notify the big bosses on both sides concerning every offense and you'll learn two things: 1) Your big-ticket complaints are more likely to be ignored because 2) you're viewed as a tattletale and a troublemaker.
Find an Alternative Contact
In situations where maintaining a professional attitude with an individual is simply too difficult, try finding another person with whom you can conduct your business and nurture a more positive relationship. If possible, deal with the individual's immediate supervisor or higher. If conflicts still arise, your response can be, "I'm sorry if you don't understand, but I talked with your manager and he told me to" This puts the individual in the position of having to deal with his superiors and fight with them concerning items you've done with their approval.
Seek Professional Counsel
If you're still having difficulty with a particular work relationship, see if your company has an internal employee assistance program (EAP) or provides access to outside counseling service. No, it doesn't mean you're losing your sanity. A non-biased outsider can often provide additional insight into identifying problems and suggesting solutions. If nothing else, you can discover why you react to the situations in the workplace the way you do, and learn methods to more effectively deal with those you are unable to change. You can't change other people, but you can always change your reactions towards them. Professional counseling offers that option.
In the case of situations where you're asked to compromise company security or your morals in order to retain your job, counsel of a different type may be necessary. Check to see if organizations exist in your community that fight these types of employer abuse and provide legal services for no or low cost. If not, check around for a reputable lawyer with experience in this type of case, and make sure you have all your documentation on hand when you first meet with the lawyer. If you didn't write down everything when it happened, it can only hurt you in the long run.
The stresses of the work environment are bad enough when things go right. Working with people who cause problems for you, whether intentional or not, just makes things more complicated. But you can get through the difficulties in the situation. Stay calm, focus on the job at hand, remain professionally detached, and keep the appropriate people informed. Even if the offending party never changes, you will have altered your approach to dealing with the issue, and will come through a stronger person no matter what the outcome.
The gut reaction with people like this is to offer the, uh, "international gesture of goodwill" (ahem) and go on with life. That might work in a fair and perfect world; as we all know, our world is far from being either fair or perfect. As much as we'd like to avoid these types of people, sometimes the work environment requires that we associate with people that we'd rather not. In many instances, refusing to work with certain people (especially supervisors) can be viewed by the company as a valid reason for termination . So what do you do? You do what you need to do to maintain your credibility while getting the job done and it doesn't require sucking up or brown-nosing. Here are some helpful hints to make your situation bearable and protect yourself and your integrity.
Check Your Behavior
It's not easy to admit we're wrong. But sometimes we are responsible for our own bad karma. Sit down and take an honest inventory of yourself. Does the guy in the cubicle next to you harp about your noise levels because he's a jerk or do you really play your radio too loudly in the office? Is your supervisor unreasonable in her demands for documentation on hours worked in the office or do you consistently arrive at work late and leave early, and take longer breaks than necessary? Make sure your behavior isn't the catalyst for the problems you see occurring between your co-workers and you. If you find areas in your work behavior that need to be modified , correct them first. If making appropriate changes doesn't resolve the problem, then you've assured yourself the fault is not with you.
Maintain a Professional Attitude
Sure, it's only natural to want to lash out at the guy who puts all of his personal phone calls on his speaker phone and talks loudly enough for everyone in your building to hear, and then complains how you listen in to his private conversations (don't laugh, it happens). He's the one acting like a brainless goofball, but don't step down to his level just to make a point. You need to maintain an attitude of professionalism if your concerns are to be given any credibility. This is especially true in situations where legal recourse may be necessary to resolve a given situation.
Limit Personal Contact
I'm not saying avoid the individual (if it were that easy, I wouldn't need to write this article, and you wouldn't need to read it!). I AM saying to keep one-on-one contact to a bare minimum. Whenever possible, make sure you meet with this person in group settings, even if it's only by bringing along another co-worker to make a threesome. Those conversations that occur between just the two of you can rapidly deteriorate, and can come back to haunt you if there's ever a he said/she said rehashing of the discussion in front of superiors. Which is why the next suggestion is vitally important to follow
Communicate Only in Writing
"I never said that!" "Oh, yes, you told me that!" Avoid this kind of miscommunication and deal with people exclusively in writing whenever possible. Whether via memo (on official company letterhead) or email (from your work email account), keep a copy of your documentation on file so that if questions ever arise, you have concrete evidence to validate your position. Don't hesitate to forward additional copies to appropriate supervisors or managers (yours); but don't send a copy to everybody all the way up the chain of command. Notify the big bosses on both sides concerning every offense and you'll learn two things: 1) Your big-ticket complaints are more likely to be ignored because 2) you're viewed as a tattletale and a troublemaker.
Find an Alternative Contact
In situations where maintaining a professional attitude with an individual is simply too difficult, try finding another person with whom you can conduct your business and nurture a more positive relationship. If possible, deal with the individual's immediate supervisor or higher. If conflicts still arise, your response can be, "I'm sorry if you don't understand, but I talked with your manager and he told me to" This puts the individual in the position of having to deal with his superiors and fight with them concerning items you've done with their approval.
Seek Professional Counsel
If you're still having difficulty with a particular work relationship, see if your company has an internal employee assistance program (EAP) or provides access to outside counseling service. No, it doesn't mean you're losing your sanity. A non-biased outsider can often provide additional insight into identifying problems and suggesting solutions. If nothing else, you can discover why you react to the situations in the workplace the way you do, and learn methods to more effectively deal with those you are unable to change. You can't change other people, but you can always change your reactions towards them. Professional counseling offers that option.
In the case of situations where you're asked to compromise company security or your morals in order to retain your job, counsel of a different type may be necessary. Check to see if organizations exist in your community that fight these types of employer abuse and provide legal services for no or low cost. If not, check around for a reputable lawyer with experience in this type of case, and make sure you have all your documentation on hand when you first meet with the lawyer. If you didn't write down everything when it happened, it can only hurt you in the long run.
The stresses of the work environment are bad enough when things go right. Working with people who cause problems for you, whether intentional or not, just makes things more complicated. But you can get through the difficulties in the situation. Stay calm, focus on the job at hand, remain professionally detached, and keep the appropriate people informed. Even if the offending party never changes, you will have altered your approach to dealing with the issue, and will come through a stronger person no matter what the outcome.
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More commentsFabulous article! Just what I needed to confirm in my own mind!Isn't it nice to know that it's not always us that has the problem? :)
About that guy in next cubby who plays SPORTS RADIO ALL DAY LONG--is smashing the radio with a baseball bat too confrontational?Confrontational AND dangerous, as you might find yourself in a jail cell. On the other hand, if you're going to go for it, why not go all the way? You'll certainly feel more satisfaction sitting in that cell knowing you smashed the radio on his head rather than with a mere baseball bat. :)
great article... my coworker is dating my cousin (i just can't get away) we don't have a supervisor in our office, she is 30 miles away, so we govern ourselves mostly. she is rude to me when i try to tell her to make sure that when she wants to take a sick day to call in and not just mention it in passing and tells me basically to shove it when i ask her about her lateness (over an hour). we have perks because our supervisor is not in our office, but she is taking it to the max. our office only has 3 people and i cannot avoid her as much as i would like (oh yeah and the whole dating family thing). i think i will speak to her only in email from now on get it in writing. i will tell my other co worker to do the same.... super adviseHmmm...sounds like your co-worker is already treating you like family. The idea of communicating only in writing is a very good one, and gives you a trail (paper or electronic) that you can use as evidence in the event someone's actions are called into question. One suggestion: Make sure you send those particular emails with both delivery receipt requested and read receipt requested. The former provides evidence you sent the email to the individual; the latter provides evidence the recipient did (or, in the case when you don't get anything back, did not) read the email. Avoids the "But I never got it!" syndrome. Good luck!
Worthless. This person said he's ran into four annoying co-workers, and then said that people who have had to deal with less haven't been in the work force very long. I think THIS guy hasn't been in the work force very long. His entire article revolves around the victim changing their behavior, when it is really a process of dealing with the coworker who started it. Try working a real job where you're trying to do real work, and surrounded by many people, not a job where you're stuck in a comfy chair and around one potentially annoying coworker who's just displaying habits that everyone else does. A pathetic attempt at trying to help people deal with problem co-workers, providing answers to questions that people should have answers to in the first place.I guess we need to define "annoying". I'm not talking about the guy in the next cubicle who whistles shrilly while he works, or the lady whose perfume smells like she bathed in a 55-gallon drum of the stuff before coming into work. I'm talking about the individual who consistently and publicly belittles your abilities and experience, even when you're the expert in your field; or the co-worker who repeatedly goes to her boss whenever you cross your eyes in her general direction; or the jerk who actively tries to sabotage your job to advance his own career. Those are definitely not "habits" in any sense of the word.
If you think that over 30 years in the work force isn't very long, then you must be a centenarian and have never retired. As for a "real job", I've done carpet cleaning, retail sales, stock work, manufacturing, teaching, customer service, and computer support, to name a few. I don't know where you work, but none of these are cushy jobs with no interaction with other human beings.
As I've stated in the article, there is no way you can force other people to change. All you can do is change yourself. Giving yourself the tools you need to deal with difficult individuals is not wrong, especially since most people don't get these answers imprinted on their psyches at conception. And as I've stated in a number of other articles I've written here, if you already know all the answers, then good for you. However, nature has blessed the world with a miniscule number of messiahs throughout history; the rest of us normal people can use a few good survival tips.
Okay-- I just read your above statement... my problem is not someone who belittles me, or complains to my bosses.. just read my situation and tell me if you have a suggestion because I'm going to lose it.I work in teh middle of the desert (really I live in Doha, Qatar) on a construction site in a tiny cabin with six men, five of whom I like.The 6th is someone who came in to our office about 4 mths ago and has been driving me crazy ever since. He sits 10 inches away from my desk, and I can't get away from his constant need to be talking, his little annoying habits and his attitude of "I know everything about everything." Really-- if I want to know a bear runs 40 km an hour I will read it in wikipedia or watch it on the Animal Channel.This is my life 9 hours a day, 6 days a week. I am situated 10 inches away from the most annoying person on the face of the planet.Anyway.. I know I'm not the only person who feels this way because I've heard other people talking about how they can't stand him either. However, they have the luxury of being able to escape him where as i don't.I don't really know what I should do because in all honesty, he is good at his job and my bosses respect him for that. And they don't have the opporunity to hear his constant chattering to me all day long because they're hardly in the office all day.I dont know what I should do. He is higher up on the organization chart than me and I feel like if I say something to either him, my bosses or HR I will lose my job because they feel he is more valuable than me.I'm an extremely calm, rational and patient person-- and I've never really "lost" it on anyone before, but I feel like if this keeps up I'm going to lose it on him one day.Help!Brianne.Brianne, I've heard that in the desert, just like in outer space, no one can hear you scream. :) Since it's likely you don't want to deal with the legal ramifications of making your coworker disappear, you need to change your dealings with him and make them purely professional. Any friendly association you have with him, either on or off the job, will encourage him to continue sharing with you. When he starts to share another trivial tidbit, smile politely and say, "I'm sorry, but I'm on a deadline for this project and don't have time to talk." (Don't say "That's interesting" or words to that effect; it will only encourage him.) After a few such responses, he should start getting the message. If he doesn't, maybe it's time to talk to your bosses about remodeling the cabin to improve productivity, suggesting that your desk be moved far away from his (and if he walks across the room to chat with you instead of staying put and talking with his new desk buddy, you may have a totally different issue!) or partitions added for some privacy. You may need to approach your direct supervisor and calmly explain that this man's conversations interrupt your work flow and affect your productivity. But if all your efforts fail, you'll just have to bite the bullet and realize that you can't change him but you can change yourself, and you'll have to work at tuning him out. Listen to your MP3 player at work if it's allowed; set up decorative items on your desk that block your line of sight to the offender; change your seating so that you're not facing him when you work. I hope this helps--good luck to you!Hi Danny, I wonder if you can advise me? I joined a company last year. On my first day I met this woman who was really awful and horrible to me. She refused to shake my hand when we were introduced. Since then things have deteriorated. I work on a team of 5 people - this woman controls the other 3 girls on the team who are young - so all 4 are against me. They bitch and gossip about me behind my back. I communicate by email and keep my dealings professional. However it has really gotten to me and I have been sick a lot. The quality of my work has also deteriorated. I asked if I could move desks but they said no. My boss and HR do not dispute that this woman is difficult as she has moved teams within the organisation on numerous occasions.One of the teams got together and signed a petition to ask her to be removed from the file that I now work on. Although I have tried to professionally detach and to turn down the negativity of these girls I generally feel weak and not strong enough to deal with them. I feel like the whole place is against me and I have been sick about 35 days in the last 12 months which exceeds the company sick leave policy. My boss was initially supportive but because of my sick leave this relationship has deteriorated as well and i think he has no power over these girls. I am really frightened to leave as due to current market conditions I may find it hard to get another job. I am conscientious and hard working and I really dont deserve this treatment. Any ideas as to how I can improve my situation? Thanks for your help Anon.Anonymous, the first thing I would do is see if your company has an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) or other counseling service available to its employees. If not, see if a local church or counseling center offers free or discounted services and take advantage of them. You may never get resolution to the problem (i.e., one of you relocating), but you will receive valuable information regarding what you can do to deal with the problem. Sometimes getting that kind of power is just as helpful as having the person removed from your work life. Please check into these options, and good luck!
I was accused of being a difficult coworker, but think I was the friendly one- Several of my coworkers were liberal athiests and /or worshipped false gods, so I left them pamplets and literture, showing them the path of salvation was through Jesus Christ. I encouraged them to worship Jesus, then frustrated at being ignored, I demanded they worship Jesus. I was trying to help them!They complained about me, and my boss threatened to fire me. I think my coworkers were the difficult ones- I was trying to help them, and they paid me back with hostility.Religion and politics, Ted--two topics you NEVER discuss in the workplace! Trying to force your personal beliefs on others in the office is an absolute no-no (there's a big difference between sharing the Gospel and trying to shove it down somebody's throat). Since your boss is now involved, I'd suggest backing off. You've shared your beliefs. It's up to the individual to make his or her own choice, and not your place to tell someone what to believe. If you continue, you may find your boss following through on his threat. Believe me, this is not the time to have to look for another job!
Hi, it's a great article. I'm in a difficult situation. I have a female co-worker, i 've been working with her a hole year and in has turneda helll. Because she wons money a lot more than me. She arrives late and leaves early. She get's her hair done in worktime. We went together to a post degree and she copied my exam. I got very angry , but she didn't care. She always has many men around her and they help her to do her homework or projects at work. And recently she got promoted with a nice title. Because she has a friend with influences. So. i don't want to become bitter. Help me! to deal the situation. It's not fair that promotion because she's a lazy person. Thanks and regard!Samantha, if it helps at all, nearly everyone who's ever held down a job has had to deal with the individual who steals time from the company, passes work off onto fellow employees (but still takes the credit for getting the job done), lies about their professional experience, and cheats to get ahead. I can't say much about the promotion--in business many times it's not what you know, it's who you know. As I have stated many times in this article and my responses, you can only control your actions, not hers. If you are doing your job right, you can't worry about her doing hers. If what you say is true, she doesn't have the knowledge necessary to do her job properly, and one day she'll slip up and prove it to her superiors. Until then, take comfort in the fact that somebody higher up knows about her tardiness and excessively long work breaks, and it will come back to bite her in the rear end eventually.
Very inspirational article.I am in an awkward office situation. My boss has a tendency to develop strange, "clicky," and favorable friendships with the "least favorite" employees in the department.Currently, she has befriended the most "negative, rude and condescending" employee of the office. She’s the type that that admires the boss but secretly has a plan to take over. The employee clearly operates on her own set of rules. She stomps around the office, when she makes an error on a project, her consequences are far less than everyone else’s, she is very unapproachable when you have a question but is all smiles when she needs something from you, is constantly coming to your desk immediately after she sends an email to ask if you've received it and can take as many "unscheduled breaks" as she pleases to go and gossip in my boss's office about non work-related topics for any amount of time she desires (just to name a few).The bottom line is, my boss doesn't recognize this employee's behavior as troubling to the office environment or "worth a conversation" at all. However, I will admit, this employee happens to be productive. She has a good work ethic, but do you think thank my boss overlooks this employee's behavior because she completes her tasks? Is she oblivious to it? Does "productivity" trump the "act like a civilized employee" card? I don't think so and I at least think it deserves a "call-to-action" conversation.I just want to see my boss execute fair treatment among all staff members while remaining professional. We all deserve equal communication, opportunities and fair treatment. Now, the thing is, I would like to approach my boss to express this, but I cannot confide in her because she has no conflict resolution skills whatsoever, is scared of confrontation and will most likely not keep our conversation confidential.So, what I've done is start to document everything! The preferential treatment, gossiping, unprofessional-ism and lack of conflict resolution between employees is all getting jotted down. But who do I present this information to? And do I need others in my office to come forth as well?Oi! You didn't pick an easy one, did you? Let's start out with what's turning into the mantra for this article: "You can't control anyone's actions but your own." Are you doing your job properly? Avoiding annoying work or personal habits or behaviors? Keeping your nose to the grindstone, never goofing off on the job? Not gossiping about this individual to anybody, or about anyone else for that matter? Good. Because if you decide to approach your boss with the personality issues you've just described and your co-worker finds out, I guarantee you she will be watching you like a hawk to find every little fault about you that she can and take it back to the boss, who also happens to be her BFF. (And you think she's bothersome now!) Are you ready for that? Your documentation idea is a good one. It never hurts to do a little CYA on paper (or in a data file) if the possibility exists that her actions could cause work-related problems and you need proof of your involvement (or lack thereof) in any fiasco. But you're not going to change your co-worker's actions or convert your boss into a pro-active confrontational manager. If your company is large enough to have an Employee Assistance Program I'd see if they offer counseling services--for you, not the other employee or your boss. You need to discuss this situation with a professional who can see things without bias and give you suggestions on how you can handle yourself now, as well as ideas on how to deal with both the co-worker and your boss. Until then, I recommend being as professional as you can with both individuals, and limit your contact with the annoying co-worker. Good luck!
Hi Danny. I would like your advice. I am working with 2 highly intelligent colleagues and an extremely demanding boss. My problem is that one of my colleauges like to put me down. His email replies are such that it made me look quite clueless and stupid in front of the bosses when it is precisely because I am unsure, hence I ask for advice. His pet phrase to me is "You understand right?" or "Do you know..." It doesn't feel like he's trying to teach me. Even though I do learn a thing or 2 from him at the end of the day, I end up feeling very stupid. As time progresses, the feeling of stupidity becomes feeling insulted. And then useless. The last time we had a meeting, he turned to a colleague sitting to his left to take notes even though I am a notebook with me and I can help to take notes. I am not sure is it because he thinks very lowly of me, hence he didn't approach me. I've given other section heads a pretty good impression of myself because they do compliment me at the end of my presentation with encouraging words such as "I can sense the amount of effort you've put in." But within my own dept, I feel very useless and it doesn't help to work with a type A. egoistic person. With time, I feel quite depressed and have resorted to minimising my time in the office as much as possible. It does not help that my boss sides with him even when he is not talking the right ideas at times (that is something that I realise when he questioned me about my project ideas and I counter-asked him what is the definition of the particular term that he was objecting to, and alas I realise he doesn't even know the proper definition of that term. Unfortunately our boss had left for a toilet break when he gave the incorrect definition. Yet just before the break, my boss had let him take over the discussion.)I guess essentially, I'm asking how to manage people like my colleague and my boss.First, Anonymous, you can't manage the folks higher up the org chart. You might be able to manipulate them but that usually ends up coming back to bite you in the butt! What you can do is make sure that your side of the equation is working the way it's supposed to. If your co-workers are intentionally belittling you, don't feed into it because you only encourage them more. Your responses to their comments could be something like "I am aware of the requirements for this particular project; I simply needed clarification on this issue to make sure we're all on the same page." And make sure that your boss gets cc'ed on all correspondence of this type, so he can see that you are involved in the process and are working as part of a team, not going Lone Ranger. If you need to, contact your company's EAP division or check into some career counseling so you can explain to an unbiased party what your situation is and can get some assistance in handling things. Good luck with this one!thks a lot danny. my situation has since improved. what i did was i tried to be more assertive, sound more confident (why should I waiver when I am sure of my ideas) and I think with time, my boss's impression of me has changed slightly for the better. I am NO LONGER "scared" of standing up against that colleague and I guess I showed him through my body language that I am unhappy with him. Surprisingly, he backed of a bit and is politer to me since. My strategy could have backfired if he starts bearing a grudge against me! So far so good
I think most work places frown on people who won't work with others, what ever the reason. Its counter to the teamwork ethos. But there are times when you have to stand up and be counted.Great article
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