Getting a Spine: Learning How to Handle Unfavorable Comments About Your Articles
Posted: Monday, April 28, 2008
by Danny Davids
There's nothing quite like the feeling you get when you see an article on the Internet with your name in the byline. "Holy crap, that's ME!" you think, reading and re-reading it just to make sure it's really your article. That euphoric feeling increases when you see people responding to your submission with positive comments. It's like you're on top of the world!
And then some idiot bursts your bubble by leaving a comment expressing a differing opinion, a derogatory statement (paragraph? novel??), or by outright telling you you're wrong and you need to go back to your daytime job. "What an ignoramus!' you grouse as you prepare a scathing retort. Or perhaps you take it more personally, deleting your submission and vowing never to write again. Somebody has rained on your parade.
I hate to break it to you, but this is normal. As a writer, the day will come when you put something down in hardcopy that somebody else will disagree with. Most may not express their opinions, but some most assuredly will. Even when you're prepared for it, getting those types of comments can be distressing at best and infuriating at worst. So before you let a differing opinion halt your blossoming writing career, remind yourself of these truths as you write each article.
You're a professional. You may not be, but the reading community believes that if you are writing articles for them to read, then you must be an expert in a particular field, or at least knowledgeable enough to be considered more expert than they are. So when somebody derides the thesis of your article, remember that they are expecting you to respond as a professional would, and not as a five-year-old child whose feelings have just been hurt and who lashes out emotionally as a payback.
You are not infallible. Even if you are writing a fact-based article with documented proof of your position, you can still make a mistake. You may have a typo. You may have added an extra zero in your calculations, or added when you should have subtracted. Even if you've dotted every I and crossed every T, your passion for the topic may cause you to conveniently omit any information concerning the negatives on the subject (or positives, depending on your viewpoint). I can guarantee that there will be at least one reader who will be more than happy to point out your mistakes for you. And that brings me to my next point, which is...
Every story has at least two sides. You can feel strongly about a subject and may believe your position is the right one. Yet somebody out there will believe just as strongly that her differing position on the same topic is just as right, or at least not as wrong, as yours. Believe me, that individual will have no problem expressing that idea in her comments on your submission!
Opinions are like...well, you know. "Everybody has one" is how that adage ends, and it's true. By definition, an opinion is a personal belief concerning a particular topic or idea. Even when facts indicate someone's opinion is incorrect, stating that somebody's opinion is "wrong" is a direct attack on that person's belief system. Congratulations, you've just made an enemy for life--and a vehement opponent regarding most, if not all, of your future articles!
Expect attacks when dealing with hot-button issues. You know what those are. Political, economic, religious, and other topics that generate a lot of buzz may be fun to write about and generate a lot of readership, but they'll also be the most likely articles to come under fire by those who don't see things the same way you do. So if you think you can write on these subjects and not provoke hostile comments, think again, and consider another topic if you can't handle the pressure.
Accept rather than retaliate. Eliminating the offending comment won't make the problem go away; in fact, it could very well heat up the situation, with additional comments showing up regarding your cowardice and unwillingness to defend your position. Responding in a negative manner by attacking the commentator does the same. And removing the submission altogether encourages people to believe that maybe this author didn't really know what he was talking about, or didn't believe in the subject matter after all. Better to view the comments as the result of our right to free speech, acknowledging the person's right to believe differently and offering thanks for sharing another side of the story for further discussion of the topic.
Writing is a lot of hard work, and sometimes it requires pouring out your heart and soul. When people comment in an unfavorable manner, it may seem like a personal attack. But it isn't--it's a sharing of ideas. Remembering these helpful hints can make you view those hostile remarks in a new light, and see them for what they really are, a way of allowing everybody to voice an opinion in an ongoing dialogue. And if it's still difficult for you to handle, all I can say is keep a box of Kleenex handy.
I hate to break it to you, but this is normal. As a writer, the day will come when you put something down in hardcopy that somebody else will disagree with. Most may not express their opinions, but some most assuredly will. Even when you're prepared for it, getting those types of comments can be distressing at best and infuriating at worst. So before you let a differing opinion halt your blossoming writing career, remind yourself of these truths as you write each article.
You're a professional. You may not be, but the reading community believes that if you are writing articles for them to read, then you must be an expert in a particular field, or at least knowledgeable enough to be considered more expert than they are. So when somebody derides the thesis of your article, remember that they are expecting you to respond as a professional would, and not as a five-year-old child whose feelings have just been hurt and who lashes out emotionally as a payback.
You are not infallible. Even if you are writing a fact-based article with documented proof of your position, you can still make a mistake. You may have a typo. You may have added an extra zero in your calculations, or added when you should have subtracted. Even if you've dotted every I and crossed every T, your passion for the topic may cause you to conveniently omit any information concerning the negatives on the subject (or positives, depending on your viewpoint). I can guarantee that there will be at least one reader who will be more than happy to point out your mistakes for you. And that brings me to my next point, which is...
Every story has at least two sides. You can feel strongly about a subject and may believe your position is the right one. Yet somebody out there will believe just as strongly that her differing position on the same topic is just as right, or at least not as wrong, as yours. Believe me, that individual will have no problem expressing that idea in her comments on your submission!
Opinions are like...well, you know. "Everybody has one" is how that adage ends, and it's true. By definition, an opinion is a personal belief concerning a particular topic or idea. Even when facts indicate someone's opinion is incorrect, stating that somebody's opinion is "wrong" is a direct attack on that person's belief system. Congratulations, you've just made an enemy for life--and a vehement opponent regarding most, if not all, of your future articles!
Expect attacks when dealing with hot-button issues. You know what those are. Political, economic, religious, and other topics that generate a lot of buzz may be fun to write about and generate a lot of readership, but they'll also be the most likely articles to come under fire by those who don't see things the same way you do. So if you think you can write on these subjects and not provoke hostile comments, think again, and consider another topic if you can't handle the pressure.
Accept rather than retaliate. Eliminating the offending comment won't make the problem go away; in fact, it could very well heat up the situation, with additional comments showing up regarding your cowardice and unwillingness to defend your position. Responding in a negative manner by attacking the commentator does the same. And removing the submission altogether encourages people to believe that maybe this author didn't really know what he was talking about, or didn't believe in the subject matter after all. Better to view the comments as the result of our right to free speech, acknowledging the person's right to believe differently and offering thanks for sharing another side of the story for further discussion of the topic.
Writing is a lot of hard work, and sometimes it requires pouring out your heart and soul. When people comment in an unfavorable manner, it may seem like a personal attack. But it isn't--it's a sharing of ideas. Remembering these helpful hints can make you view those hostile remarks in a new light, and see them for what they really are, a way of allowing everybody to voice an opinion in an ongoing dialogue. And if it's still difficult for you to handle, all I can say is keep a box of Kleenex handy.
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Top-level comments on this article: (9 total)Hey you. I can't believe you said what you just said. You have no idea what you're talking about. Where'd you learn how to write, on Mars? Who do you think you are? Hell, who do I think I am? What day is this? Am I living in the U.S. I'd like to buy a vowel, Alex . . . Ok, so it's never quite that bad, but the hot button issues do bring out the loonies at times, yes? Not that I've ever had to deal with them, of course, right? ;=) Thanks for the insight on this subject matter . . . again.You want to buy a vowel, Jeff? Do I LOOK like Vanna White?? :DNo, just my insane persona, thanks Vanna.
Thanks for the hints, especially the first and last highlighted points on your list. Those seem to be the hardest for me to come to grips with. Writing is like putting your soul out there for everyone to see - and comment on.The first time somebody told me I was a professional I almost choked. Then I thought about it from their point of view, and I realized with a thrill of horror that they were right. AUGH! Hope those hints help, Mary.
Hi David, these are great tips. I think we have all had our share of negative and down right nasty comments. That is the beauty of free thinking, but sometimes an attack is nothing more than a response to the prick in their heart that they felt as they were reading. At least that is my initial response when I read something that challenges me. It's best to calm down and appreciate another point of view and if in the end, "you can't say anything nice then don't so anything at all". (I just love thumper.) Great job on this article. Blessings to you! TeresaDisney had some great philosophy, Teresa. "To infinity...and beyond!" Oh, wait...wrong philosphy. :P In any case, I'd rather have to deal with negative comments and know that we all have the freedom in this country to express our opinions. Disagreement may be a down side, but it's a small price to pay.
Absolutely awful article, I completely disagree with everything you say, its all wrong! ... just kidding ;-) A really interesting article and a good warning to everyone to get their defences up and avoid taking criticisms of articles they've written as personal attacks. You have to be thick-skinned to a certain extent, and be prepared to have what you say subjected to critical examination...but try and ignore any unfounded criticism, and learn from the stuff that...though it may hurt to admit it... is actually justified. Great stuff, and well put together!So, Ben, you were just testing me, weren't you? Had to backspace a lot there, but I did finally pass. *smirk* Writing without expecting criticism is like being a politician and expecting everybody to like you. Never gonna happen! Glad you enjoyed the article.
Danny, it's so uncanny to see this article. I read one of yours just minutes ago about how wives can romance their husbands when you were viciously attacked. I almost chimmed in (not on the attack) but it was a cold-case, or so I thought. Here's this dynamic article that addresses my thoughts as well. Disagreement doesn't bother me. Someone convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. Rudeness ticks me off! Mark Twain said the difference between saying a right word and a wrong word is like the difference between lightning and the lightning bug. Some people can use a bolt or two; not to be fatal but as a wakeup call! Another thing, it's good to get high ratings but when we write from the heart, if the message helps but one person, even the rudeness matters not anymore. Thanks for a great article!"Someone convinced against his will / is of the same opinion still." Avis, you're a poet! Yes, I've had my fair share of dissenters, and for the most part have tried to practice what I preach. (So I stumbled once or twice...sue me.) And you're right, that helping out of one person is more important. Thanks for pointing that one out.
Danny we all have our moments and quite frankly I've been under a heavy stress load for sometime now and while I usually, like I said usually try to be nice and sensitive then again if my button goes off I just might not be that nice person some think I might be, that is as my ego percieves others see me as. Hey we throw it out there for all to read and yes we need to be open to an opposite view. So to all of you I used the poor wording or language with I apologize. To all who disagree well thanks for reading. To all who can't get over it, well I forgive you. Best wishesYou do bring up a good point, one which might be worth adding to the list. Somebody's cross response could be due to a bad day, or stress at work or home, or one of any number of other unrelated things. Just one more reason to remain professional and maybe even a little detached when reading all those mean-spirited comments.
hi danny, great article. and so much of it can be applied to life in general. we are all meant to have our own ideas and opinions. we'd be robots if we didn't. free choice lets us think in our own way. let's see, we have a war going on, the price of gas is approaching 4 dollars a gallon, the world is in trouble, but, let me squabble over an article? i can't believe you have 2 grown children. you look like you're 25. thanks for sharing, best regards, sue thomUm...25? You think I'm 25?!?!?! ROFLMIAC! Way too young chronologically, and way too old emotionally.
I think I've been luckly so far, I am obviously not controversial enough ;)CB, you're just writing on the wrong topics. ;)
Hi Danny, Great article and I needed it badly. I recognize that I am a poor writer, especially in my efforts to get across certain points. Plus my poor grammer, etc. And, I can take constructive criticism o.k, but when people start ridiculing my stand on something, I find it difficult not to retaliate. I'll put forth extra effort though, as I should have been doing. I promise.Joel, you don't HAVE to change, you know. This was just to remind people that when you get flak for expressing your viewpoint, you need to take it in stride. The old adage "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen" definitely applies!
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