I Want to Be a Loser! My Personal Battle with Diet and Weight Loss

It was March 23, 2009. I was in my doctor's office for a routine visit. Standing on the scale, I stared at the number before me: 326. Three hundred and twenty-six pounds. Talk about depressing. I very nearly walked off the scale and out of the office.

For my entire childhood I was one of those kids that loving and caring parents called "chubby", "husky", "pleasingly plump"...you get the idea. As I moved into my formative teenage years, the labels from my peers got ugly: "fat boy", "lardass", and one nickname in particular that I can't print because children might be reading. Moving into adulthood, the terms changed again, maybe to be politically correct or perhaps less personal and more biological: overweight, obese, "grossly obese" (yeah, that one shows a LOT of sensitivity!). In any event, I'm one of those people who has always been overweight.

I've tried most of the diets out there, starting in my early teens. Grapefruit diet, lecithin diet, cabbage soup diet. I've counted calories, measured portions, eaten once a day, eaten six times a day. I've taken prescription medications and over-the-counter diet pills, drunk liquids, consumed diet bars. I've fasted and starved myself. I've tried moderate exercise, minimum exercise, and no exercise. I've purchased the platform where you stand and swivel, the pulley system that hooks onto your doorknob, the stationary bicycle, the "ride 'em cowboy" device, the mini-trampoline, exercise videos, and a treadmill. I was given a set of free weights and a weight bench. I've been a member of a gym for years now. The exercise has kept my blood pressure down and benefitted my cardiovascular system, but there has never been any dramatic weight loss. Except once.

Over a decade ago my best friend was sharing how he'd lost a significant amount of weight (and boy, did it show!). He explained he was following the Atkins low-carbohydrate diet to do so. (Don't scoff yet, I'm not finished.) He bought me a book, I read through it, and made a deal with my wife. I'd try it for two weeks and if there were any problems or I didn't see any weight loss, I'd drop it. I started the induction portion of the diet, and within the two week period actually lost enough weight to decide to continue. In five months I lost 30 pounds. At one point during that period I visited my doctor, who did up my blood work. He smiled as he reported my cholesterol was down and my triglycerides were WAY down. Knowing I'd lost some weight, he asked what I was doing. When he heard the word "Atkins" the smile was replaced by a frown, and he uttered the word "Oh" in a way that made it very clear he was NOT happy with my diet choice. Never mind that I was obviously very healthy.

The only problem I've had with every diet I've ever done is that when the "diet" is over, the weight comes back. Even in the later stages of Atkins, when you start adding carbs back into your diet to find where your balance point is, you have to maintain the eating style in order to keep the weight off. Go back to your former eating habits, no matter what type of diet you're on, and the weight comes back, usually with a little extra as punishment for daring to diet in the first place. It happened to me in 2001 when I lost my job right after 9/11. With minimal income and maximum bills, and the job market tight, we were struggling to make ends meet. Getting the right type of food to maintain my diet wasn't an option. So the weight came back again.

My attitude about dieting had come down to this: If all I'm going to do is lose and then gain, lose and then gain, I'd rather not lose to start with and just maintain what I have. Problem is, as I get older I can't maintain. I keep getting heavier. And this brings me back to the doctor's office.

I'd been toying with the idea of going back on Atkins, but with a few changes. Seeing the scale numbers launched me into action. When I got home I talked it over with my wife, explaining what I'd been thinking for the past few weeks (and which she was hearing about for the first time). I told her my plan: Eliminate the sugar (sugar has turned into my own personal Kryptonite). Concentrate on finding "good" carbs (some fruit, vegetables, etc.) and incorporate them into my diet. Finding healthier, low-carb substitutes for the foods I couldn't live without (especially the desserts). Stick with one serving per meal, especially of higher-carb food items. Be willing to lose weight slowly and keep it off. Continue drinking my diet drinks (I'm not willing to give up Diet Coke with lime!). And most importantly, allow myself to fail every now and then, without feeling guilty about it. I could do a lot of things to make the weight come off faster, but I was viewing this as a new way to eat, and eat healthily, for the rest of my life. If I'm going to be eating it later, I may as well be eating it now! My wife was enthusiastic and agreed to help me in my quest to find balance in my eating habits and my weight.

I started following my new eating rules (I refuse to view this as "just another diet") on March 24, 2009. Today, eight weeks later, the scale shows me at 298 pounds, the first time in several years I've been under 300 pounds. I am not starving myself. I am not spending a fortune on special foods. The only supplements I take are two multivitamins a day. Thanks to my best friend and the Internet my wife and I have come up with some creative snacks that take the edge off my hunger pangs without sending me into a carb-craving tailspin. I see myself doing this for the rest of my life, and I can live with it--and enjoyably so!

I hope you don't mind if over the coming months I continue to share my weight-loss progress, as well as some of the tools I'm finding that are helping me stay on track. Why? Because we all see the "after" interview where somebody gushes, "I lost 157 pounds, and it was easy!" We don't see the pain and anguish and effort it took to get there (not even on "The Biggest Loser"). If I succeed in my goals, you'll know it and might be able to use some of my ideas in your weight loss plan. If I fail, you'll know what to avoid. Either way, this helps me by keeping me accountable and honest about what I do and how I do it. I don't know what the ride will be like, but it will definitely be different!