I Want to Be a Loser! Falling Off the Diet Wagon
Posted: Sunday, August 02, 2009
by Danny Davids
Start: Mar 23 2009; 322 lbs
Now: Aug 02 2009; 287 lbs
Weight Loss to Date: 35 lbs
It's been just over four months since I changed my eating habits and began my journey into eating healthier and happier (I hope). I would not be where I am now if it were not for the help and support of my wife (who has been more than accomodating to my new food requests, and has found she is feeling better and losing weight as well) and my best friend and little brother (who introduced me to low-carb eating over a decade ago). Clothing is fitting better: I went from wearing no belt with my pants (and ready to go up a size) to wearing a belt where I've moved into the fourth hole in. I've had to purchase a new pair of denim shorts one waist size smaller than what I've been wearing. I feel better: The acid reflux I've had to deal with the past several years is drastically reduced, even if I eat later at night. I can eat and be full without being stuffed. I do indulge about once a week and have sensible amounts of high-carb foods, like French fries or pastry or a donut or two. However, my focus is on eating healthy carbs (fruits and vegetables) and working to find low-carb substitutes for snacks.
Ah, snacks. As I've grown older, I have noticed sugar is my Achilles' heel. I want more. And more. And even more. And that's still not enough. I think everybody has that one food type that they can drown themselves in and not even care. Sugar, especially in desserts, is mine.
After four months of "being good" and leaving the sugar alone, I have found myself being drawn back to my nemesis. M & Ms, ice cream shakes, and other candy and desserts have been singing their siren song, and I've been listening. Once I start, I find my willpower weakening and making me more susceptible to increasing my intake of carbohydrates even more. I have found myself panicking and thinking that I am about to "fall off the wagon" and gain back all the losses I have incurred in four months.
And then I have to stop and remind myself: I AM NOT ON A DIET! I never got on the stupid wagon, so I cannot fall off. I am a work in progress, and I am having to retrain myself after over 50 years of living a lifestyle where I ate what I wanted when I wanted and to heck with the end result. For me this is not about making sure I lose X number of pounds or drop X clothing sizes in a given time period. I am rewriting who I am and defining myself by leaving food out of the equation.
This is very hard. The competitive part of me wants to "succeed" in losing weight and doesn't want to fail again. The reasonable part of me has to speak up and say that being healthy is the most important goal I can have. If I don't weigh the 170 lbs that the so-called experts say I should, I have not failed (and let's be honest: I'll NEVER weigh 170 lbs). If I weigh 190 or 225 or 250 or never lose another pound, and have a healthy system and can do the things I need and want to do, then numbers be damned.
For the record, I have not lost any weight in the past two weeks. But I have not gained any weight, either. This is freaking awesome to me. I have not destroyed everything I've worked for; I've just taken a temporary detour, one I can recover from. And if you can stand it, I'll continue to share my journey, bumps and burps and everything, just so you can see that this is a normal part of taking on a healthier lifestyle.
Now: Aug 02 2009; 287 lbs
Weight Loss to Date: 35 lbs
It's been just over four months since I changed my eating habits and began my journey into eating healthier and happier (I hope). I would not be where I am now if it were not for the help and support of my wife (who has been more than accomodating to my new food requests, and has found she is feeling better and losing weight as well) and my best friend and little brother (who introduced me to low-carb eating over a decade ago). Clothing is fitting better: I went from wearing no belt with my pants (and ready to go up a size) to wearing a belt where I've moved into the fourth hole in. I've had to purchase a new pair of denim shorts one waist size smaller than what I've been wearing. I feel better: The acid reflux I've had to deal with the past several years is drastically reduced, even if I eat later at night. I can eat and be full without being stuffed. I do indulge about once a week and have sensible amounts of high-carb foods, like French fries or pastry or a donut or two. However, my focus is on eating healthy carbs (fruits and vegetables) and working to find low-carb substitutes for snacks.
After four months of "being good" and leaving the sugar alone, I have found myself being drawn back to my nemesis. M & Ms, ice cream shakes, and other candy and desserts have been singing their siren song, and I've been listening. Once I start, I find my willpower weakening and making me more susceptible to increasing my intake of carbohydrates even more. I have found myself panicking and thinking that I am about to "fall off the wagon" and gain back all the losses I have incurred in four months.
And then I have to stop and remind myself: I AM NOT ON A DIET! I never got on the stupid wagon, so I cannot fall off. I am a work in progress, and I am having to retrain myself after over 50 years of living a lifestyle where I ate what I wanted when I wanted and to heck with the end result. For me this is not about making sure I lose X number of pounds or drop X clothing sizes in a given time period. I am rewriting who I am and defining myself by leaving food out of the equation.
This is very hard. The competitive part of me wants to "succeed" in losing weight and doesn't want to fail again. The reasonable part of me has to speak up and say that being healthy is the most important goal I can have. If I don't weigh the 170 lbs that the so-called experts say I should, I have not failed (and let's be honest: I'll NEVER weigh 170 lbs). If I weigh 190 or 225 or 250 or never lose another pound, and have a healthy system and can do the things I need and want to do, then numbers be damned.
For the record, I have not lost any weight in the past two weeks. But I have not gained any weight, either. This is freaking awesome to me. I have not destroyed everything I've worked for; I've just taken a temporary detour, one I can recover from. And if you can stand it, I'll continue to share my journey, bumps and burps and everything, just so you can see that this is a normal part of taking on a healthier lifestyle.
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)hi danny,i could definitely stand it....you should be so proud of yourself.i know all the repercussions of being overweight, how one feels, how they look in the mirror and don't recognize the person looking back. my problem goes around in a circle-my medications i have to take to stay well all have side affects of weight gain, and i can't take anything for that, because my thyroid is being medicated, and may be harmed. crohn's bloats you, and that's hugely irritating because there's really nothing i can do, and i don't eat that much.i certainly do hope you keep us posted.you must feel better, and be able to breathe better.good for you,continued success,my best regards,suep.s. congratulations on the weight loss so far. great job!Thanks Sue. I'm trying to stay focused on this being a health issue and not an appearance issue. Don't know how successful I'll be with changing that mindset but I do know if I don't I will continue on this stupid rollercoaster.
Very good, Danny. You should be proud of yourself. I keep trying and failing, but I'll keep trying!Careful how you define "failing" Ken. If you mean "I didn't lose 75 pounds" then maybe your goal is wrong. I know mine is. That's why I'm trying to turn this into an eat-more-healthily lifestyle, and the weight loss is an added benefit.
Danny,Congratulations...I am proud of you. I think the way you are going about this is great. The fact that the acid reflux is reduced is a blessing as well. Keep at it. Take the breaks, though, I think that is important (you have had your 2 weeks, now go back and continue) and I look forward to hearing more.NancyNancy, I'd prefer to think of them less as "breaks" and more as "a part of my ongoing eating plan". A break indicates that this is not a normal part of the routine. But I WANT to be able to incorporate the foods I love, just not overindulge in them. Cutting myself off completely will mean at some point I will have that "break" and eat waaaaaaaaaaaaaay more than I should of a lot of things. Moderation is the key here. Thanks for your kind words of support.
Great article. Well done.From what I've seen weight loss is not hard. However, here is a great bit of advice from my old physics teacher "there is no secret to weight loss, burn more than you eat... if that doesn’t work your defying the conservation of energy law and that’s not to be used as an excuse!"Sadly, I can't sympathise as I have never had any problems with my weight and have to wear a belt with everything. I'm not anorexic though.Anyway, good luck. You’re under 300 now lets see if you can get under 200!Connor, I'll have to disagree with you. Weight loss is not easy. If it were, nobody would be fat and there wouldn't be a multibillion dollar weight loss industry out there. (And I wouldn't be publicly journaling my trials and tribulations!) Will I ever get below 200? I don't care. If I'm healthy, feel good, and can do the things I want to do physically, then the weight is just a number and to heck with all those so-called "experts". After all, skinny people die of health issues too, you know!
Congratulations Danny... I'll have to buy you some onion rings from Willies to celebrate! I am envious of your success, but I guess I'm not envious of your hard work. One of these days.......Bruce, I think onion rings qualify as low-carb if I knock some of the batter off the ring!!
Congratulations on your weight loss Danny! You're lucky to have such great support in your wife and friend! Hang in there. One day at a time and everything in moderation. Stay healthy!Brianna, the "healthy" part is what I'm trying to concentrate on. Thanks for the vote of confidence!
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