It All Comes Down To Choice
Posted: Saturday, December 10, 2011
by Danny Davids
I was driving home from work yesterday and stopped at an intersection. There are usually several people on the corner with squeegees, offering to wash vehicle windows in exchange for change. Lucky me, I was the first car in line at the light. A man walked up and acted as though he would start cleaning my windshield. I shook my head no. He then contorted his face into a painful expression and patted his stomach. Again, I shook my head. That evidently wasn't enough for him, as he walked around the front of my car to the passenger side and made a move as if to wash the windshield from there.
I snapped. "NO!" I shouted at him through the closed windows. He said something that was hard to hear, but I did catch the phrase "don't mind working." I yelled back, "What part of 'no' do you not understand?!" I continued my rant about having to put up with difficult people all day at work, and ended with "...but I don't have to deal with you!" At that point the light turned green, and I slammed on the accelerator and left.
As I drove away there was an emotional debate going on inside my head. Sympathy reminded me that this man was obviously down on his luck, could be homeless, and I needed to be more kindhearted and caring. Cynicism stepped in and pointed out that this man could be scamming people, making them think he's homeless and hungry, when all he really wants is money for alcohol or drugs. The two waged war in my head and I felt alternately miserable and angry.
Then Logic interjected a comment. "He made a choice."
I immediately thought of my current work situation. I have been working for several years to advance in my organization and recently was promoted to a management position. I expected change and an increased work load. I did not expect issues that now occupy close to half of my work day. They are not fun; in fact, they are quite stressful. Had I realized that these issues would be so time- and energy-consuming, would I have gone down this career path? It's a moot point. I made my choice, and I have to live with the repercussions of that choice. I can't be angry because of unexpected consequences, and I can't blame anybody else for my situation. It was my choice.
As humans, we all make choices. Some are good, and some are bad, and some bring us a mixed bag of results, as my career choice has done. College or trade school? Married or single? Rent or buy? Children or childless? Corporate organization or entrepreneur? Each choice has its consequences, and no matter which path we take we have to walk down it and accept all its blessings and curses.
Logic made me understand that just like I have, the man on the street made his choices. Whether they were good or bad, whether he thought things through or acted on impulse, his choices had brought him to the streetcorner where he was panhandling for money. Can he complain? If somebody forced him at gunpoint to live the life he's living now, then I would say perhaps. If his choices have brought him here, then I can be sympathetic to his plight, but I don't need to feel guilty about it, as though I owe him something because I am better off than he is.
Unless, of course, I make the choice to do so.
As I drove away there was an emotional debate going on inside my head. Sympathy reminded me that this man was obviously down on his luck, could be homeless, and I needed to be more kindhearted and caring. Cynicism stepped in and pointed out that this man could be scamming people, making them think he's homeless and hungry, when all he really wants is money for alcohol or drugs. The two waged war in my head and I felt alternately miserable and angry.
Then Logic interjected a comment. "He made a choice."
I immediately thought of my current work situation. I have been working for several years to advance in my organization and recently was promoted to a management position. I expected change and an increased work load. I did not expect issues that now occupy close to half of my work day. They are not fun; in fact, they are quite stressful. Had I realized that these issues would be so time- and energy-consuming, would I have gone down this career path? It's a moot point. I made my choice, and I have to live with the repercussions of that choice. I can't be angry because of unexpected consequences, and I can't blame anybody else for my situation. It was my choice.
As humans, we all make choices. Some are good, and some are bad, and some bring us a mixed bag of results, as my career choice has done. College or trade school? Married or single? Rent or buy? Children or childless? Corporate organization or entrepreneur? Each choice has its consequences, and no matter which path we take we have to walk down it and accept all its blessings and curses.
Logic made me understand that just like I have, the man on the street made his choices. Whether they were good or bad, whether he thought things through or acted on impulse, his choices had brought him to the streetcorner where he was panhandling for money. Can he complain? If somebody forced him at gunpoint to live the life he's living now, then I would say perhaps. If his choices have brought him here, then I can be sympathetic to his plight, but I don't need to feel guilty about it, as though I owe him something because I am better off than he is.
Unless, of course, I make the choice to do so.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)I believe that many people are grappling with this issue, as we see more people on the streets panhandling, or in shelters. I see your point, and have had some thoughts of my own at times, then I remember some stories from long ago. Having worked with the homeless many years ago as a volunteer, there are a certain percentage who make bad choices; drugs, alcohol, and other risky behaviors.
AND there are some who are there solely by chance. Yes, they made a choice to take a certain job, and then bought a house, and had children. The wife left, so did half the income, plus child support. The house is lost due to inability to pay, and then with no money left a job layoff comes....that person ends up homeless, and penniless, if no family members or friends to help them. Occasionally a man/woman starts drinking due to seperation or loss of children, then the spiral begins, so whose to blame---the spouse who left, the children, or the person who was working too much so spouse began cheating, and is now out of control due to loss of family.
Maybe desperation makes people act strange, and we are seeing all kinds of bizarre behavior in this economic situation. People don't have throw away money to give panhandlers or churches nowadays. I expect to see more weirdness in the future. Even the stresses of everyday life are causing shootings, fights, and seperations due to the loss of the American Dream, and no hope to get it back......at least not that they can see.
Great article, and we have all been at some point similar to what you described of yourself.
I believe all the scams and deceit are making us very suspicious.
Hi Danny.
I agree with a lot of what you wrote. Elle also made some good points. The thing I try to remember at times like yours is that I can not help everyone. So I pick the places I donate money very carefully. Unfortunately for the panhandlers, they are not on my very short list.
I think the thing that bothers me most is that they try to push your buttons and "make" you feel guilty for not helping them. But the reality is that how you feel at any given time is also a choice you make. But I think you know that.
Thanks for an insightful and interesting article.
Hugs,
Dianne
Hi Danny,
I am a firm believer that we end up in any particular situation due to the choices we make. There are those who will panhandle, thinking that it is their last resort. It is the aggressiveness shown by some that turn me away. A lot of our young make choices, sometimes bad, and then expect others to make up for their shortcomings. Saying that, there are choices that I have made that I wish I could do over, but don't we all? That's what makes life an interesting journey.
JD
Excellent.
Enjoyable article but all of your articles are cool. Choices, yes, we all make them and must live by them. That is not to say that we cannot help others who have made stupid, uninformed or choices based on erroneous information they were taught as a child or from other life's events. As for panhandlers, I used to be confronted by them almost daily for a few years. I gave some of them change, some a curt "take a hike" look and I even talked one guy who asked me for money to give ME change for a parking meter!
Here's to good choices for us all!
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